Alpaca Disaster
by Tuba-chan
Summary: After dating for several years, Umi thought she could endure any spontaneous and random decisions Kotori made. But after her girlfriend adopted a personal space-intruding alpaca, Umi had to draw the line.


**What'** **s up, it's Henjin again. This time I'm here with some KotoUmi! Please don't mind the fact that Umi seems kinda out of character, and also seems kind of Honoka-ish. Anyway, I hope you enjoy!**

Umi was usually very tolerant of whatever Kotori decided to do on impulse. After all, her heart was practically in the palm of the grey-haired girl. However, she had to draw the line when her lover brought that... _thing_ home.

Umi had just been cooking dinner and humming a soft tune, waiting for Kotori to arrive home from work. Today was the start of their weekend, as they'd fortunately managed to be off on the same days. The blue-haired girl was extremely excited to finally get some time for just the two of them to relax together.

Well, it didn't entirely look like it would be just the two of them anymore.

As Umi began to stir some basil leaves into the boiling spaghetti sauce, she heard the sound of the door-bell ringing. She halted her actions, and dashed across the kitchen to get to the livingroom. Before she could open it herself, the door swung open to reveal the very girl she'd been waiting all night for. She couldn't help but smile immediately.

"Umi-chan, guess what?" Kotori asked ecstatically; she could hardly keep from bouncing up and down.

Kotori's enthusiasm was contagious, so Umi couldn't help but feel that same energy. "What is it?"

The 20 year-old stepped to the side and gestured behind her. "I got us an alpaca!" The fuzzy animal looked straight ahead at Umi, and said girl suddenly felt all her previous zeal drain.

"You.. huh?.." Umi had no idea how to even respond. She was hoping it was just some weird dream; that she had decided to take a nap before Kotori got home, and that she'd wake up to her sweet face any moment now. But when the creature came up and licked her hand, she realized it definitely wasn't a dream.

"I know right?! They had a sale, and I got the last one, can you believe it?"

The alpaca moved itself further into the livingroom, all the while leaving patches of its pitch-black fur behind on the ground. "No, I really can't.." She muttered to herself. She knew her girlfriend was one to decide things impulsively, but.. an alpaca? Sure, Kotori loved those things to death, but she never expected to see one in her home, chewing on her brand new couch. "Hey, he's eating our sofa!" Umi was about to drag it out of the house, but Kotori was there just in time.

"Bad Kumo! Eating the couch is a no-no!" Kotori gently scolded and waggled her finger, like it was a small puppy who'd peed on the floor.

"You've already named it?" Umi started to realize in dismay that she'd probably already grown far too attached to 'Kumo'.

Kotori nodded happily. "Yup! Sorry I didn't wait to do it together, I was just too excited! Mm, but where will he sleep?.."

' _Please don't say in our room, please don't say in our room.'_ It seemed Umi was in luck, as instead of their room, her alpaca-loving girlfriend suggested the shed behind their house.

"It will be perfect, because he'll have hay to sleep on, and open windows for sun and fresh air. Ahhh, I'm just so glad I got him, Umi-chan!" As soon as Kotori wrapped her arms around her waist and placed a soft kiss on her cheek, Umi felt her determination to tell her that they couldn't keep him crumble into dust.

"I am too.."

* * *

Umi could have tolerated if it had eaten the couch and all the cushions. She could have tolerated if it had slept in their room. Heck, she would have tolerated if it had slept right next to her with its eyes open, staring into her soul all night. What she wouldn't tolerate was it stealing all the time she'd usually have to be with Kotori.

"Hey, Umi-chan, could you go to the animal feed store and pick up some more alfalfa? Kumo's almost eaten it all already." Umi's left eye twitched, while Kotori just kept stroking at its fluffy coat. "Uwahhh, you're so cute, Kumo-kun!"

Umi agreed to go pick up more food for him, but shot a glare at the poor animal the whole time she walked away. She could have sworn that it had stuck its tongue out at her.

Once at the store, and after thinking of ways to get rid of the invader back at her home, she made her way to the section with all the different kinds of hay. She scanned across the different wooden containers, and suddenly heard a familiar voice. "Umi-chan! Long time no see, nya." She looked up to see none other than Hoshizora Rin, with a giant bag of rabbit pellets and a brown potato sack.

"Hi, Rin. How come you're here?"

The cat-like girl began stuffing the sack full of all kinds of hay. "Kayo-chin's rabbits are out of food, nya. What brings you here? I don't remember you and Kotori having any pets."

Umi tried not to grimace. "She brought home an alpaca last week.."

Rin looked up from what she was doing. "You don't sound so happy about it, nya. Want to tell Rin what the problem is?"

Umi shrugged, staring at the alfalfa weed she'd gathered. "Did you ever not approve of Hanayo getting her rabbits?"

She shook her head, "Nyah, I was just as happy as Kayo-chin was. We picked them out together and named them all."

"Well, the problem is, Kotori didn't even _consult me_ about getting an alpaca, she got one on a spur of the moment." Rin mouthed an _"oh"_ before encouraging Umi to continue. "And well, as irrational as it sounds, I'm jealous of the stupid thing, because it's been taking up all of Kotori's attention. Just, aghhh, that's MY girlfriend, you dumb fuzz-ball!" Umi blushed furiously when she noticed that she'd drawn the attention of other customers, and a few dogs that had come with their masters. "...Any advice?.."

Rin tried to keep from laughing, but failed horrendously. "Uwahhahahah, Umi-chan's j-jealous of the a-al, ahahaha!" She wiped the tears that began to form away, only to find herself face to face with a fuming Umi. "S-sorry nya, but it's adorable and funny! You shouldn't be jealous of an alpaca, because Kotori is yours nyaa!"

Umi failed to see how it was funny, but didn't question Rin, as she was probably right. It was stupid to be so jealous of something that couldn't even speak. "You're right, thanks Rin." She made her way to the counter, waving goodbye to the younger girl.

"Any time, nyaaa!" As soon as Rin was out of ear-shot, she called Honoka on her cellphone. "Nya, Honoka-chan, you're not gonna believe this. Umi's jealous of an alpaca!"

* * *

When Umi got home, she found Kotori still stroking Kumo lovingly. "Ah, Umi-chan, you're home! Did you get Kumo's food?"

Umi shook the paper bag, and handed it over with a grin. "I sure did. By the way, I was wondering if tonight you maybe wanted to go see a mov-"

"Ahhhh, Kumo-kun, that tickles!" Kotori had already resumed where she'd left off feeding him.

"...ie. Actually, I think I'm gonna go out with Eri and Nozomi tonight."

Kotori turned to her momentarily. "Hmm? Alright, have fun!"

"I will.." Time passed as fast as a blink, and before she knew it, she was eating parfaits with Nozomi and Eri. Well, she and Nozomi were eating _a_ parfait each, Eri was currently on her fifth.

"So wait," the blonde paused to take another loud bite, "what is the problem exactly?"

"Kotori bought an alpaca without talking to me first, and now it's really getting on my last nerve." Umi found it hard not to stare, as Eri was shoveling the creamy dessert into her mouth at lightning speed. Nozomi secretly snapped pics of the ordeal.

"Just tell her you want to get rid of it; it should be that simple." Eri stated, and motioned for the waitress to bring her yet another parfait.

"It should, but you know Kotori. She'll beg me to keep it, and give me that face. You know, _the Kotori face_. And then I'll be too soft, and before long, it'll be eating at my spot at the table, and sleeping on my side of the bed."

Nozomi smirked, and spoke up. "Nee nee, it sounds more like a jealousy problem than an alpaca problem. Are you worried that Kotori-chan will love the alpaca more than she loves you?"

Umi sighed, embarrassed, and looked to the side. "Maybe.."

Eri couldn't help but grin at her cute junior. "You know Kotori's not going to replace you with an alpaca, no matter how fluffy it may be." Nozomi and Eri laughed, and Umi realized just how dumb she sounded after all.

"You're right... I still don't want it on my bed though, that's too much." The two in front of her nodded in understanding. "But thank you, now I see that I'm being unreasonable."

Eri waved her off. "It's really no big deal, we're always glad to help!" Soon the waitress from earlier had brought her the extra parfait she'd ordered, making it her sixth. She thanked her graciously, and was about to start digging into this one as well. But Nozomi wouldn't allow that to happen, and stole the treat before Eri could even get a nibble. "Hey! That's mine, I want it back!" She tried to reclaim it, but Nozomi was too skilled for her.

"Nu-uh-uh, you've had too many of these, Eri-chii. You're going to get a stomach ache if you have any more." Eri pouted, and begged with her eyes as Nozomi teasingly ate it slowly in front of her.

"Can't I at least have a taste?"

Nozomi shook her head. "Not directly, but you may taste it on my lips later." The fortune-teller teased, as Eri blushed and replied, "Nozomi!"

Umi decided it was time to leave, before her friends started a make-out session in the middle of the shop. "I'll see you two later, thanks again!"

The couple waved and said their goodbyes, and Umi could swear she heard them start kissing as she left in a hurry. "I've no idea how some people are so shameless.. Oh well, I guess it's time to go back home."

So Umi drove home, ready to give Kumo a second chance. But as soon as she got arrived at her room to climb into bed (and maybe cuddle with Kotori), Kumo's last chance was used up as soon as he'd gotten it.

Umi had only been exaggerating when she'd said he'd be sleeping on her bed soon. She'd thought to herself that she could tolerate him sleeping in their room, because she'd thought it was too farfetched to happen. Yet here was Kumo, in _their_ room, lying down on _her_ side of the bed. She fought the urge to scream and drag him off the sheets, only to leave him on the sidewalk.

"Oh, Umi-chan, did you just get home?" Kotori looked up at her like there was nothing abnormal about the situation. "I didn't hear you come in." Kumo looked up sleepily, and to her horror, Umi noticed a trail of drool leading from his mouth to her pillow.

" _Why_ is that thing in our bed?" She kept her voice calm, and hoped with all her might that those ugly stains would come out of her pillow-case in the wash.

Kotori blinked at the sudden usage of "that thing" in reference to her beloved alpaca. "Ohhh, yeah, Kumo felt really cold out there. So, I decided I'd just bring him in."

Umi bit back all the harsh things she wanted to say, and settled for "...So you thought to let him sleep on my side?"

Kotori didn't pick up on her girlfriend's mood, and replied in her usual peppy tone "Yeah, I didn't want to leave him on the floor by himself. I hope you don't mind. ..Umi-chan?" She suddenly picked up on Umi's anger, and wondered what she'd done to cause it.

" _Mind_?! Of course I mind, it's drooling all over my pillow!" Umi gestured at the pillow in a frenzy, successfully startling Kotori.

"I-, umm.."

"And you never spend time with me anymore! All you want to do is pet that stupid thing, and you pay it so much more attention than me!"

"Y-you think he's stupid?.." Kotori moved her hand timidly to clutch at its back.

"See? He's all you care about now! Why don't you just marry him; you can have alpaca kids together and live happily ever after!"

Kotori didn't want to cry, but she could already feel it coming. She hated making Umi legitimately mad at her; it made her want to crawl up into a ball and sob. "I'm, I'm sorry, Umi-chan.."

"Don't 'Umi-chan' me, I just want 'Kumo', or whatever you call it out of my house!" Kotori nodded numbly, and stood up without looking back at Umi.

"I understand.. c'mon Kumo, I'll take you outside, and we'll see if Hanayo and Rin-chan want you.." She led Kumo out of the room without a word, and Umi's heart tore when she heard the sniffles that she knew weren't coming from the alpaca.

"Kotori.." She whispered to the now empty bedroom. She collapsed onto the clean side of the bed, where Kotori had been relaxing moments ago. Snuggling her face into the still-warm pillow, she felt awful about all the things she said to Kotori. She knew just how sensitive she was, and yet she'd just went shouting and ranting away, not thinking about her feelings, or how much Kotori loved Kumo.

"I'm such a jerk.." She made up her mind to apologize, and rolled over to her side of the bed so she could get up. She let out a squeal of disgust as she felt the moist, smelly drool stick against her hair and cheek. "Ugh.. I deserve this..." Umi peeled her face off the pillow, and made her way to the hallway. She looked down the right side, to see that the door leading to their backyard was wide open.

She brushed the wet pieces of hair behind her ear, tip-toeing into the cool night, where she knew Kotori and Kumo would be. "Hey.." She spoke no louder than a whisper, but Kotori heard regardless. She winced as she saw what was left of the girl's crying fit that she'd probably had just moments ago.

"Don't worry Umi-chan, I called them, Hanayo-chan's happy to take him." She continued mindlessly petting his head, and was startled as Umi was suddenly right next to her.

"That's not what I came out here to talk about. Look, I'm sorry that I yelled at you back there.. and I'm sorry I called Kumo stupid, he really isn't." Umi wrapped an arm around Kotori's waist, pulling her close.

"It's fine, I shouldn't have let him into our room. But what made you so angry all of a sudden? Well, besides your pillow.." Umi looked into Kotori's shining eyes, and finally confessed to everything she'd been feeling lately.

"It's just that, you haven't been around me lately, you know, to just cuddle and such.. I missed that, and I blamed it on all this time you've been spending with your alpaca. I thought that, maybe you loved it more than me." Kotori's face suddenly lit up, and she burst into fits of laughter, much like Rin had done. Umi's face reddened, however, and she was glad that it was so dark out. "Is it really that funny?"

"S-silly Umi-chan, you should know that I love you more than aaaall the alpacas in the world." She calmed down and gave her signature innocent smile to Umi.

Umi gave a content grin in return. "Even more than the fluffiest, softest ones?"

Kotori snuggled against her side. "Even more than the fluffiest, softest, cutest ones." She leaned over and kissed Umi's cheek again, only to retract quickly with a scrunched up look on her face. "What is that all over you?!"

Umi brought a hand up to the cheek that Kotori had kissed. "Oh, it's his drool.. I accidentally laid down on it."

Kotori wiped her lips off with both hands. "Ewwww, you taste yucky! You should go shower." Umi nodded, and did her best to wipe what had gotten on Kotori off.

"Sorry about that, let's go back inside." Umi walked Kotori back into the house, leaving Kumo behind to sleep in the backyard.

"Oh well, we just have to take that shower together now, ehe." Later that night, Umi and Kotori did a lot more than the cuddling the archer had originally been planning on getting.

* * *

"Kotori, are you sure you still want to give Kumo to Hanayo?"

"For the millionth time, Umi, yes. For one thing, it would be rude to get Hanayo's hopes up like that; for another thing, you were right about something." Kotori continued gathering the food and bedding they'd had for Kumo, so she could give it all to Rin and Hanayo when they came to pick him up.

At the moment, Umi was making amends with her ex-enemy by scratching behind his ears. She figured that she should at least try to make up for all the mean things she said about him before he went to live with the young couple. "And what would that be?"

Kotori stopped stuffing everything into the bags so she could kiss Umi fully on the lips. "That he's been distracting me from paying you any attention. I can't have a fluff-ball living with me if I can't even show love to my most favorite fluff-ball of all." She tickled Umi behind her neck, and said girl squirmed away from the action.

"Kotoriiii!" Umi blushed and covered her skin so Kotori couldn't tickle it anymore.

"I love you, Umi-chan." Kotori gave Umi yet another kiss, causing Umi's red hue to only darken.

"I love you too.." She whispered back shyly. However, they were interrupted from their lovey-dovey moment when they heard the sudden and unmistakable shout of Hanayo.

"AHHHH HE'S SO FLUFFY AND CUTEEEE!" Umi almost jumped out of her skins, with Rin snickering in the background at how shy Umi was being.

Meanwhile, Hanayo hugged Kumo and pet him, not even minding the black furs that were starting to rub off onto her white hoodie. "Rin-chan, can we start an alpaca farm?"

Rin scratched her head for a moment. "Nya, won't that cost a lot of money, Kayo-chin?"

Hanayo began to plead and beg. "But we'd have a whole farm full of fluffff!" She kept clinging to Kumo the whole time she made her case.

"And we don't already have a farm full of fluff with all your rabbits, nya?" Hanayo realized she'd been defeated, and settled for hugging Rin and the alpaca at the same time.

"You're right, I don't think we'd have enough space for so many alpacas anyway.."

Rin smiled and looked over to Kotori and Umi. "Thanks for the alpaca nyaa! Do you guys wanna say bye to him before we take him?"

Kotori nodded, and went over to say a few last things while Hanayo moved to grab his supplies. "It was fun to have you around, I hope you enjoy living with Rin and Hanayo. They'll take very good care of you." She pat him on the head, and stepped back. "Do you have anything to say, Umi-chan?"

"Yeah, I do have something." Umi walked over, and stroked the fluff behind his neck. "Don't steal Hanayo away from Rin, that's not a nice thing to do. Other than that, Kotori and I will see you around when we visit." The other 3 laughed at what Umi had advised him, and then Rin started to tug Kumo to their truck.

"Huh? He won't budge, nya." Instead of going along with Rin, he turned around and started walking back toward Umi.

"What is it now? Did you come to say goodbye again?" Kotori asked in surprise as he continued walking to the girl next to her.

"I wonder what it is exactly that he wants.." Hanayo thought aloud.

The mystery didn't remain unsolved for long, as he spit directly into Umi's face with no warning. Rin, Hanayo, and Kotori gasped, as the oozing liquid ran down her face and onto her clothes. She blinked, and stared at him. She could've sworn he was smirking at her. "...I deserve that too.."

 **I just wanted to write a fic where Kotori buys an alpaca to be honest. See you next time, guys!**


End file.
